JOE SATRIANI Turns Teacher at WorkshopLive.com

TODAY IN METAL: NEW RELEASES

It’s a good day to be a metalhead. Cavalera Conspiracy’s Inflikted, the long-awaited reunion of Max and Iggor Cavalera of Sepultura, finally comes out today, though it’s been on the Internet for months receiving critical acclaim (read Axl’s review). Firewind and Mercenary release a dual-shot of epic, European power-prog in the form of their new albums The Premonition (read Vince’s review) and Architect of Lies, respectively. Jucifer’s L-Autrichienne combines metal of, well, pretty much every sort for this excellent release (read Axl’s preview and Iann Robinson’s rave). Korpklaani’s folk-metal explosion Korven Kuningas also hits the shelves, which we can best describe as Tetris-metal.

Not a bad day to be a metalhead, best next week promises to be even better with new releases from In Flames, Joe Satriani, Sevendust, Nadja and The Sword.

-VN

JOE SATRIANI Marks 13th Album Release With GC Sessions Tour

GET READY FOR THE WORST SUPERGROUP EVER

So a couple of weeks ago Michael Anthony spilled that beans that he and former Van Halen cohort Sammy Hagar “are working on a new project with a couple of good friends.” At the time, I joked that perhaps they were teaming up with Slash, Duff McKagan and Matt Sorum to form Velvet Hagarevolver, a force more powerful than Voltron or, at the very least, Toto.

In point of fact, the reality is much, much worse.

Blabbermouth has now confirmed the rumor we’ve all been hearing from the get-go, which is that the other members of the group are Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith and Joe Satriani. And they’ve settled on the band moniker “Chickenfoot.”

Now, don’t get me wrong: Satch is a brilliant guitar player (and I imagine he was brought into the fold so no one would have to try and live up the memory of a certain former bandmate of Hagar and Anthony’s), and I don’t care much for RHCP these days, but Smith is a capable drummer.

But let’s be real: these guys are gonna make boring, corporate, middle aged rock that, if we’re very, very lucky, might be on par with some of Bon Jovi’s recent output (Hagar’s assertion that the band “could rival” Led Zeppelin makes me so fucking angry, I’m not even going to address it here, lest today be the day I finally suffer a massive aneurysm). Add to that the fact that they’ve come up with what I’m fairly certain is the worst band name, like, ever (were they trying to conjure images of some collaboration between present and past GN’R axemen Buckethead and Bumblefoot, or do they just really love Chinese food?), and my interest in this project just dropped to negative ten thousand.

God, just typing about this band makes me sleepy. I wonder if getting really plastered on Cabo and then listening to the last Audioslave album will somehow make Chickenfoot seem like a worthwhile endeavor.

Probably not.

-AR